Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
