I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize