hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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