I need help removing her.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
