She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
