well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
