I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the condom got lost in my hair
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
