what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
