He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
