I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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