i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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