He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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