We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
