i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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