you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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