My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
