:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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