she looked like the before picture.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
