Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
