You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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