nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
