i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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