i need an iv and a liver transplant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize