I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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