my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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