put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
