I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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