I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
