I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
