I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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