I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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