her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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