careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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