Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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