Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
