did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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