I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
