i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
