All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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