He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
