you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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