I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize