she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
