I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
