you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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