I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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