oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
