dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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