i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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