He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
