I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
