after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
