Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
