We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
