he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
