Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
