i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
