So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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