Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
