Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
