well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My ass is underappreciated
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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