I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
