I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
