Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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