how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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