she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
