no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
