I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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