i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have post one night stand depression
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