you win again, gameday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
