if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
