Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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