I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
