She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
