and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
