I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
