i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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