So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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