i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
