Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
