my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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