The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
