I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
