do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
