i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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