Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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