I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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