i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we're so committed to being not committed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
