YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
