Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
