she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize