We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
