The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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