I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
