She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
