We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
