Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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